If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.

The great roe is a mythological beast with the head of a lion and the body of a lion, though not the same lion.

Should I marry W.? Not if she won't tell me the other letters in her name.

Is sex dirty? Only when it's being done right.

The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better ... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.

At the opera in Milan with my daughter and me, Needleman leaned out of his box and fell into the orchestra pit. Too proud to admit it was a mistake, he attended the opera every night for a month and repeated it each time.

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.

More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.

It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily as lying down.

I took a speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

I am at two with nature.

Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought - particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick -- not wounded -- dead.

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.

Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered.

I think you should defend to the death the KKKs right to march, and then go down and meet them with baseball bats.

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's one of the best.

To "you" I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.

No matter how cynical you are, you can't keep up.

Sex between a man and a woman can be wonderful, provided you can get between the right man and the right woman.