Reality is a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.

I always wondered why somebody doesn't do something about that. Then I realized I was somebody.

Don't be afraid of missing opportunities. Behind every failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had missed.

For fast acting relief, try slowing down.

Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it...

I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

We're all in this alone.

If I had known what it would be like to have it all...I might have settled for less.

Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?

If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?

Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then -- we elected them.

Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.

No matter how cynical you get, it is impossible to keep up.

Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.

Why is it when we talk to God we're praying -- but when God talks to us, we're schizophrenic?

There's so much plastic in this culture that vinyl leopard skin is becoming an endangered synthetic.

Truth is, I've always been selling out. The difference is that in the past, I looked like I had integrity because there were no buyers.