A glass is never half full, it's half empty, and if it's full it's probably going to spill on the carpet
	The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
	We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
	Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.
	Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
	Failure is not an option, it's a privilege reserved only for those who try
	It doesn't matter if the cup is half full or half empty, whatever's inside it is evaporating either way
	No sense being pessimistic, it probably wouldn't work anyway
	For ages I thought life was like fishing in a swimming pool. Now the water's all drained out!
	The early bird gets the worm if the early cat hasn't already eaten it
	If you take life too seriously you won't get to laugh with everybody else when you fail
	The present is not a free gift. You pay for it with the future
	Thinking about the past is a great excuse to waste the present and forget the future
	Trust is like virginity. You lose it once and it's gone forever
	I have all the answers, it's just that most of them aren't right
	I found my dream but she found somebody else
	The best things in life are usually already taken
	Borrow money from a pessimist, he doesn't expect it back